


Admitting Your Feelings Is So Much Better

by astralpenguin



Series: 3am [4]
Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Yagami Light, Boundaries, Cheating, Communication, Crushes, Demiromantic Yagami Light, First Kiss, Getting Together, Greyromantic Yagami Light, Healthy Relationships, Holding Hands, Late Night Conversations, Literal Sleeping Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Power Imbalance, Sharing a Bed, Yagami Light is Smart, Yotsuba Arc, he's technically cheating, light is supposed to be in a relationship with misa so, this whole series has been about the wonders of communication tbh, we stan communication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23376739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astralpenguin/pseuds/astralpenguin
Summary: “Hey, Ryuuzaki?”“Yes Light?”Light was still looking at their hands.“You know how when we were talking through my sexuality, I mentioned that thereissomeone I like?”(not recommended as a standalone)
Relationships: L/Yagami Light
Series: 3am [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1640104
Comments: 50
Kudos: 292





	Admitting Your Feelings Is So Much Better

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first fic in this series that i didn't word vomit out in two or less sittings. this one took me Multiple Days. writing is truly the worst hobby
> 
> if you haven't read the rest of this series, then you'll probably still be able to follow this without too many problems, but i'd recommend reading the rest first for context

As far as L could tell, Light hadn’t even tried to get to sleep.

He’d gone to bed as normal. But he’d spent the hours since then staring at the ceiling, his body tense.

L would readily admit that, while he may be a genius, sleep was something he wasn’t an expert in. Even so, he was fairly sure that getting to sleep required the opposite of what Light had been doing.

Something was bothering him.

L wasn’t going to push. If Light wanted to talk about whatever it was, then he’d do it when he was ready. Any attempt to make him talk before he chose to on his own would just lead to him shutting down. It would be better for both of them to let Light open up at his own pace.

He’d been doing that more and more lately, so L didn’t think he’d spend too much longer staring at the ceiling before doing it again.

L had a pretty good idea what the issue was.

Light and Misa had had one of their ‘dates’ earlier that day. It hadn’t been anything special. Misa had picked a movie for them to watch, and had spent the entirety of its runtime curled up next to Light, clinging onto his arm. L had spent the whole time sitting behind the sofa with his laptop. He’d checked on them every few minutes, and trusted the rest of the taskforce to let him know if anything suspicious happened, but for the most part he’d spent the time working on the case. Light had had no such option. To his credit, he’d put up with the situation well enough, and had been nothing but nice to Misa while he was made to be near her. But to anyone who didn’t _want_ him to be in love with Misa, that is, to anyone who wasn’t Misa herself, it had been clear that Light hadn’t been enjoying himself at all.

It made sense that Light would want to talk about it. He’d made his opinion of Misa and his relationship with her clear already, but it had been a while since he’d last talked about it.

And things were different now.

Last time they’d had any sort of conversation about Misa, and about his relationship with her, Light hadn’t sorted through his sexuality yet. He’d already known that he didn’t like her, but he hadn’t yet come to the conclusion that he _couldn’t._

He’d talk about it when he was ready.

In the meantime, L skimmed through the data from the day. He was considering putting together a spreadsheet to see if there was any correlation between when victims’ crimes were committed and when they were killed. He didn’t think that there was one, but the investigation had been spinning its wheels for over a month now, and they didn’t stand to lose anything by checking it out.

“I want to break up with Misa.”

Ah. There it was.

“I’m not going to. I know that we need her to cooperate with us, and if I break up with her then that could put the investigation at risk." Light sighed. "It doesn’t change the fact that I don’t like being in any kind of relationship with her.”

L shut his laptop and put it to the side.

Light glanced over at him. “Are you _sure_ that I have to keep dating her?”

“I’m sure that, if you don’t, she’ll become a lot more difficult for us to handle.”

“I get that,” said Light. “I really do. But I don’t like her like that at all, and it’s not fair to either of us for me to keep stringing her along like this. I’m manipulating her and I hate it. And the sooner I stop doing that and break up with her, the sooner she can get over me and maybe find someone else who’s actually capable of liking her back.”

“I understand how you feel,” said L, “and I’m sorry to be asking this of you.”

“Are you, though?”

“Yes.”

Light sat up and leant against the headboard. “Yeah,” he said. “I know. You’re many things, but you’re not cruel without a good reason.”

L nodded.

“There’s something else, though,” said Light. “Making sure that she plays along with the investigation isn’t the only reason why I haven’t broken up with her yet.”

“Really?” L hooked his thumb on his lower lip. This was news to him. “What’s the other reason?”

“You know how I told you that when she asked-” He cut himself off and shook his head. “No,” he said, “when she demanded to be my girlfriend, I felt like I was being pressured into doing it?”

“I remember.”

“It’s that. Whenever I think about breaking up with her, I think about how that would make her sad, and then I get this overwhelming feeling that making her sad would be a terrible mistake and would have catastrophic consequences. I have no idea what those consequences would be. I just get this feeling of impending doom and it doesn’t go away until I decide that I won’t break up with her after all.”

“That sounds unpleasant.”

Light smiled weakly. “That’s putting it mildly.”

“Have you considered that she may have threatened to kill you if you didn’t agree to be her boyfriend?”

Light looked shocked at L’s suggestion.

“No,” he said. “I hadn’t. She didn’t seem to be the type to do that. I thought that maybe I’d convinced myself of that on my own, and that’s why I felt like I had to agree to date her.”

L hummed in thought. “It’s possible,” he said, “but the Kira I know wouldn’t have fooled himself like that, and the other decisions and deductions that Kira made haven’t left as big of a lasting impression on you.”

“We don’t know that for sure,” said Light. “There’s no way of knowing which of my opinions were shaped by Kira. As long as my brain is able to come up with a rational explanation for it, then I’d never know any different.”

“We do know,” said L. “Tell me, Light, how do you feel about me?”

Light opened his mouth, but no sound came out. His face moved quickly through expressions of shock and mild panic, before settling on confusion.

The panic was odd, but L decided not to dwell on it.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Just answer the question.”

“You’re my friend,” said Light. “I like spending time with you. You’re not perfect, you can be frustrating sometimes, but on balance I think my life is better with you in it than it was before.” He laughed nervously. “Was that too much?”

“No, it was fine,” said L. “Now, how did you feel about me when you were first released from confinement.”

Light looked up as he thought back. “I respected you a lot,” he said. “I still do.”

“Light, please be honest.” L smiled, hoping that it would reassure him. He already knew that Light’s true opinion of him hadn’t been pleasant. “I promise that you won’t hurt my feelings.”

“I didn’t like you very much,” said Light. “Which you could probably tell for yourself, I didn’t bother hiding it. I like you a lot more now.”

“And what about before your confinement? When we met up at university?”

“I’m.... not sure,” said Light. He brought one knee up to his chest and wrapped his arms around it. “I think I didn’t like you then either, but I was intrigued by you. I wanted to learn more about you. I remember that I got angry when I got home after the entrance ceremony, and it was something to do with you.” He looked over at L. “I was Kira back then, right?”

“You were,” said L. “You showed no outward sign of disliking me while you were Kira.”

“That’s normal for me,” said Light. “I’ve disliked plenty of people, and I don’t think any of them ever knew about it. Being so open about my dislike for you after my confinement was unusual. Hiding my feelings like that isn’t a Kira specific trait.”

“But it was useful for Kira.”

Light nodded. “Yes it was. Why are you asking me about this?”

“Because,” said L, “Kira did not like me. The reasons for this are obvious. When Kira left, Light still did not like me. He had legitimate reasons for this dislike, but some of it was also due to residual feelings from being Kira. Over time, these feelings have diminished, and do not affect him as much as they once did. This proves that any conclusions that Kira came to himself can and have been overwritten by Light’s experiences since Kira left him.”

“Oh,” said Light. “So you think that she must’ve threatened me, so it wasn’t a conclusion that I came to on my own, and that’s why the fear that comes with the idea of upsetting her won’t go away even though I don’t remember how it started?”

“I think that it’s a possibility.”

Light shook his head. “Your theory makes sense, but I really don’t think she did,” he said. He let go of his knee and straightened his leg out in front of him. “It doesn’t feel right when I think about it.”

“She _is_ the second Kira,” said L. “She’s proved herself to be capable of murder. The idea that she threatened yet more murder if she didn’t get her own way isn’t too far of a leap.”

“She is almost definitely the second Kira,” Light agreed. “But wasn’t the second Kira a fan of the first? Didn’t they go to great lengths to meet them? It doesn’t make sense that the second Kira would threaten to kill the first, for any reason.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” said L. “Emotions can make people do all kinds of things.”

“That’s true,” said Light. “But the idea of Misa threatening to kill me feels _wrong._ It feels like it can’t have happened. The idea that _I_ killed people is uncomfortable, and it’s difficult to accept, but it feels possible. Misa threatening to kill me doesn’t feel possible.” He laughed without humour. “It _does_ feel possible that she could’ve threatened to kill anyone else I may have been dating at the time, but that’s as far as it goes.”

“Interesting,” said L. “How far do you think this feeling of wrongness can be used to reverse engineer the first Kira’s actions and thought processes?”

Light shrugged. “I don’t know. I wouldn’t rely on it as hard evidence. And the others would never accept it.”

“This is true.”

It was a lot easier for L to have frank discussions about the Kira case when he was alone with Light now that Light had accepted that he was the first Kira. The rest of the taskforce couldn’t know. As police, they’d be obligated to arrest Light on the spot. And as Soichiro Yagami was Light’s father, and Touta Matsuda was Light’s friend, bringing them in on this would be unnecessarily cruel. If the knowledge that Light was the first Kira became crucial to the investigation into the current Kira, then L would tell them the truth. Until they reached that point, there was no need for them to know.

“Maybe Misa didn’t threaten me, but somebody else did.”

“Hm?”

“What was it that one of the second Kira’s messages referred to,” said Light. “A shinigami, right?”

“Yes,” said L. “Their response to our fake message from Kira said that they would _‘show their shinigami to each other’.”_

“What if the shinigami is a person who’s somehow connected to Kira’s power? Or maybe even an actual shinigami?”

“It seems unlikely,” said L.

“It seems unlikely that someone could have the power to bestow heart attacks on people they know the names and faces of, and that losing that power would also mean losing all memories associated with having that power, but that’s the world we live in right now.”

L had to give him that one. “Fair point,” he said.

“If Misa had a powerful friend, or a shinigami, who threatened to kill me if I ever upset or hurt her, and Kira believed them, then it makes sense that that kind of fear would stick around, right?”

L nodded. “I suppose that it would. Does that concept feel right to you?”

Light nodded. “It does. I wasn’t threatened by Misa, but by someone close to Misa. And whoever it was, they were serious, and their threat was believable.” Light looked L in the eye. “Does this help the investigation at all?”

L knew what Light wanted to hear, but he wasn’t going to lie to him. “There weren’t any shinigami or any other suspicious people spending any time near the two of you while you were acting as Kira. If there is such a thing as shinigami, whether that is code for something or not, I doubt we’ll be able to make much progress trying to hunt them down.”

Light sighed. “Yeah,” he said. “I figured as much.”

They lapsed into silence.

L had half a mind to pick his laptop back up, but he knew that Light wasn’t done talking. There had been other date days that hadn’t led to Light talking through why he wanted to break up with Misa, and why he felt like he couldn’t. It was possible that today had just been the straw that broke the camel’s back, or maybe he’d resisted talking about it before because of how it linked to his missing memories. But L was sure that there was something else, and that Light wasn’t finished yet.

He was right.

It took a few minutes, but Light did have more to say.

“She said that she couldn’t wait to fuck me.”

L knew perfectly well that there was no good reason for the jealousy that he felt when Light said that. First of all, Light wasn’t _his,_ and _he_ was the one asking Light to keep his relationship with Misa going. Second, going by the look on Light’s face, and going by what L already knew about him, Light wasn’t happy about what Misa had said either, and he didn’t share Misa’s sentiment.

But the jealousy was there. L was human, and experienced emotions like everyone else. He knew that if he let it consume him, or let it affect how he reacted to what Light was telling him, then it could cause problems that he could really do without. So he accepted it, let himself feel it, and then put it to one side and focused on being a good friend.

“Did she?”

“Yeah,” said Light. “She said that she really wanted to, but that she wasn’t comfortable doing it while you were in the room. She said that she wished you’d take off the handcuffs for our dates.” Light looked over at L. “Please don’t take off the handcuffs for the dates.”

“I had no intention of doing that anyway,” said L.

“I know,” said Light.

“And even if I did, the cameras in her room would still remain on. I believe that I have had this discussion with her before.”

“Yes,” said Light. “You have. And I have. But she seems to care less and less about that every time we see each other. I’m pretty sure that you being in the room with us all the time is the only thing that’s stopped her.”

“I see,” said L. “You know that you’re under no obligation to sleep with her if you don’t want to, regardless of whether or not I am in the room?”

“Yes, I know that,” said Light. “But the idea of turning her down has the same feeling of impending doom that the idea of breaking up with her has. It would upset her, and that would have unknown and terrible consequences, so my instinct is to avoid it. If she were to try to start something I don’t know if it would be safe for me to say no.”

L didn’t know what the best way to respond to that would be. He ended up settling on saying, “That’s not ideal.”

Light laughed softly. “No,” he said. “It’s not. And just like Misa wouldn’t threaten to kill me herself, I’m sure that if she knew that I felt pressured to do what she wanted she’d be horrified. She’s not a bad person. But if I think about explaining all this to her-”

“It would be tantamount to breaking up with her,” said L.

“Yeah,” said Light. “So I’m stuck.”

“I will not remove these handcuffs until after we have captured the current Kira,” said L. “Once we have established that they can no longer kill, and that neither you or Misa have become Kira again, then there won’t be any further need to either keep you chained to me or to keep her involved in the investigation. You can break up with her freely then.”

“But what if this shinigami thing doesn’t like that? What if-”

“Light,” said L, cutting him off. He reached across and took Light’s hand. “If Misa’s safety and happiness is something that the shinigami cares about, and from what you’ve said that is the most likely explanation, then the fact that she will not be prosecuted for her crimes as the second Kira should be more than enough to satisfy it. If not, we will deal with that problem as it arises. The exact nature of the shinigami should become clear when we capture the current Kira. If it was possible for the shinigami to threaten you, then it will be possible for us to reason with it.”

“But-”

“Misa would not be happy if she were trapped in a relationship with somebody who can never be interested in her, would she?”

Light looked down at where their hands were joined. “No,” he said. “She wouldn’t.”

“When you break up with her, explain that to her, and to the shinigami if need be,” said L. “Knowing that it’s not a failing on her part, that you just happen to be gay, should make it easier on her. She will be happier in the long run if she’s not in a relationship with you. In the meantime, the two of you will not be left alone together. You will be safe.”

Light nodded, not looking away from their hands. “Thank you.”

Part of L wanted to take his hand back in case Light started to get suspicious, but more of him wanted to keep holding his hand for as long as possible, and that side won out.

“Hey, Ryuuzaki?”

“Yes Light?”

Light was still looking at their hands.

“You know how when we were talking through my sexuality, I mentioned that there _is_ someone I like?”

“You mentioned that you’ve only liked one person, and that your feelings for them were a relatively recent occurrence. This did not necessarily mean that they were current.”

“Well, they _are_ current,” said Light.

“Okay,” said L.

He didn’t know where Light was going with this. Was Light about to tell L about who he liked? Was L going to have to sit through having the person that _he_ liked tell him about his feelings for somebody else?

They were friends, so it wasn’t too surprising that Light would want to talk to him about this. Friends talked about who they had feelings for all the time. It was a normal thing for friends to do. While L and Light’s friendship wasn’t exactly what you would call _normal,_ that didn’t mean that they couldn’t ever have moments that were. 

And for Person A to have to listen to Person B talk about how much they liked Person C, all while being in love with Person B themself? That was a _normal_ situation to be in, too. It was never pleasant, but it happened.

L would just have to deal with it.

...Had he just used _‘in love with’_ to describe how he felt?

Shit.

He was torn from his thoughts by Light pulling his hand away from L’s. Light turned his whole body so that he was sat facing L, and he crossed his legs.

“I’d expected you to try to make me tell you who it is.”

“Whether you want to share that with me or not is your own decision,” said L. “I’m not going to make you do anything.”

Light raised an eyebrow, an amused smile on his face. “You’re not going to make me do anything? You want to rephrase that?”

L couldn’t help but laugh. “I meant in regards to how you wish to address how you feel. I did not interrogate you about your sexuality, and I will not interrogate you about who you like, because that is your own business. It has no bearing whatsoever on the Kira investigation. You are allowed to keep it private if you wish.”

“You’re saying that you wanted to give me some privacy?” Light laughed. “Ryuuzaki, we can’t even close the door all the way when one of us wants to shower, or use the toilet. And remember when you installed cameras in my home?”

“I’m aware of the apparent hypocrisy.” L shrugged. “There is a difference, though. Nobody should ever be forced out of the closet for any reason. There’s also the fact that I am currently your jailor, and I’ve already restricted many of your freedoms. It would be wrong of me not to let you keep some things to yourself if you want.”

“Did you know that I was asexual before I brought it up?”

“I suspected that you weren’t straight,” said L. “I hadn’t devoted much thought to any further speculation.”

“Am I right in assuming that we’re only ever going to talk about sexuality stuff and any crushes that either of us may have if I bring it up first?”

“Yes,” said L. “That is correct.”

For a few seconds, neither of them spoke.

Light seemed to be debating something with himself.

And then he made a decision.

L watched as the conflict cleared from his eyes, and he sat up straighter.

“Consider this as me officially bringing it up.”

“Okay,” said L. “What specifically did you want to discuss.”

Light smiled. “I kinda feel like a schoolgirl asking this, but do _you_ have a crush on anyone right now?”

_Oh no._

For a genius, L was proving himself to be really bad at predicting what Light was going to do next. Immediate hindsight told him that this was obviously where their conversation had been going, but that wasn’t helpful.

Hindsight could go fuck itself.

The L of a few months ago would’ve had no problem with lying to Light.

The L of a few months ago wouldn’t have needed to.

“I do,” said L. “But I’m not comfortable sharing their identity. I’m guessing that was your next question?”

“It was,” said Light. “That’s fine. I think I can figure it out for myself, anyway.”

L blinked.

Had he really been so obvious?

If L had managed to inadvertently broadcast how he felt about Light, then how did Light feel about that? The last thing that L wanted to do was make Light uncomfortable. His own stupid feelings aside, he didn’t want to lose the friendship that they’d been building. If Light had figured him out, then there was a chance that he’d ruined everything.

“Don’t worry,” said Light, “it’s fine!”

Maybe there was a chance that Light had got it wrong? Maybe everything wasn’t ruined?

There was only one way that L was going to know for sure if that was the case.

He braced himself for disaster.

“Who do you think I have a crush on?” asked L.

Light smiled. “I think that you have a crush on me.”

Yep. L was doomed.

“But that’s okay,” Light continued, “because the person that _I_ have a crush on is you.”

Silence.

L didn’t know what to say, or how to react. He was struggling to process what Light had just told him.

They just stared at each other.

Eventually, L managed to speak.

“Are you sure?”

Light laughed nervously. “Yeah,” he said. “I’m pretty sure. I’ve literally never liked anyone before, so this is new to me. And if I’m wrong about you, then please can we never speak of this again and pretend it never happened? But I don’t think I’m wrong.”

When L next spoke, it came out more like a whisper. “You’re not wrong.”

Light’s smile was almost blinding.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

L nodded.

Light shifted so that he was sitting on his knees, and leant forward.

His lips felt cool against L’s.

When Light moved back again, much too soon for L’s liking, L tried not to chase after him. If Light’s soft laughter was anything to go by, he wasn’t entirely successful.

“Do you want to know what gave you away?” asked Light.

“Yes,” said L, very quickly.

“You’ve been acting differently during my dates with Misa. You used to not have a problem sitting next to me during them, but you’ve been less and less happy about it as they’ve gone on. Today you sat behind the sofa, and barely looked at us. Then, just now, when I was talking about Misa, you were trying not to show a strong reaction to me saying that she wants to have sex with me.” He grinned. “You tried too hard, it was obvious. If you’d just let yourself react how you wanted then I probably would’ve written it off as just being friendly concern. And then there was the whole holding my hand thing.”

“Is that not something that friends do?” asked L.

Light shrugged. “To be fair, some friends _do_ hold hands and that’s all it is. But it didn’t feel platonic to me.”

Damn. He’d gone for reassurance, and fucked himself over in the process.“It would appear that I’m not as good an actor as I thought I was.”

“And apparently,” said Light, “I’m a better actor than I thought _I_ was.”

“How so?”

Light laughed. “All my experience with relationships and such has been me pretending to like someone when really, I don’t. I’ve never had to deal with it being the other way round before, and had no idea how to go about hiding it. I don’t think I was being particularly subtle. I thought for sure that you knew about it, and were just not saying anything so I wouldn’t get embarrassed.”

Aha! L had a chance to redeem himself! “What’s to say that that wasn’t the case, and I just didn’t feel that it would be appropriate for me to be the one to address it, given everything else about our situation?”

“Your reaction just now when I told you that I like you,” said Light. “You had no idea. I refer you back to you not being as good of an actor as you think you are.”

Light’s amusement was all over his face. Even though he knew that the amusement was at his expense, L was surprised to find that he didn’t mind too much. He liked seeing Light happy.

“I can’t believe that you were able to deduce that I was Kira after watching me on a hidden camera for approximately three minutes, and yet you weren’t able to figure out that I _like_ you despite us being chained together for the last month,” said Light.

“Hush,” said L. “I am the greatest detective in the world.”

“Don’t worry,” said Light. “Your secret’s safe with me. Your reputation shall remain intact.”

L kissed him.

“If it makes you feel any better,” Light said once the kiss had broken, “I didn’t realise you liked me back until tonight. And I don’t think the rest of the taskforce have a clue about either of us.”

Their faces were so close to each other that L could feel Light’s breath on him when he spoke.

Knowing that he’d only screwed up at hiding his feelings tonight, and that he hadn’t been accidentally broadcasting them for the whole world to see, did make L feel better. L also agreed with Light’s observation of the rest of the taskforce, but he couldn’t be sure whether that agreement came from him genuinely thinking that it was true, or just from him wanting it to be true. He was rapidly accepting that he had a blindspot when it came to his feelings for Light Yagami, so he had to double check.

“Why do you think that?” he asked. “I’m not saying that I think you’re wrong, I’m interested in hearing your thought process.”

“If Dad had noticed that either of us likes the other, then he’d have insisted on having a private conversation with whoever it was that he’d noticed. He’d probably want to tell me that he supports me, and he’d probably want to tell you to back off. If Matsuda knew, he’d have blurted something out by now. And I don’t think that Mogi or Aizawa would give a shit even if they _did_ notice, and that alone makes it less likely that they have.”

That all sounded fair enough to L.

“So,” said Light. “What now?”

“What do you mean?”

Light sat back on his heels, putting enough distance between them that they could look at each other properly. “What are we?”

“What would you like us to be?”

Light rolled his eyes. “I want you to tell me what _you_ want. You were never going to bring this up unless I did first, and now you’re expecting me to define our relationship as well? It involves you just as much as it involves me. What do you want us to be?”

“There’s an imbalance of power here,” said L. “I’m the one who chained us together. I’m the one who isn’t letting you leave the building. I’m the one who’s older. It would never be my intention to force you, but if I asked you to be in a relationship with me, would you honestly feel like it would be safe for you to decline?”

“Yes,” said Light. “You can be a dick sometimes but you have _some_ morals, and I trust you.”

“Hey!” said L.

Light smiled. “You’re insulted that I trust you?”

“I was talking more about the dick part.”

“I know,” said Light. “I can also be a dick. We match, so it’s fine.” He sighed. “I do understand what you mean though. Especially considering what we were just saying about Misa.” Light took L’s hands. “I would like to be in a relationship with you. But this works both ways. If you’d rather not be in a relationship with me, then just say so and I’ll drop it.”

L adjusted his hands so that they were holding hands properly, and squeezed. “I would like to be in a relationship with you,” he said.

“Then it’s settled,” said Light.

“We should probably keep it to ourselves, though,” said L.

“Yes,” said Light. “If we tell the others it’ll be a nightmare. They’ll mean well, but we could do without the hassle.”

“My thoughts exactly,” said L. 

Light started to say something else, but was cut off by a yawn.

“I think it’s time for Light to sleep,” said L.

Light pulled a face that appeared to be an impression of a sulky toddler.

L laughed.

“I’ll sleep if you sleep too?” said Light.

L didn’t feel tired at all, and didn’t think that sleep was going to happen. But he was happy to spend a few hours with nothing to do if it meant that Light would sleep.

He nodded, and they both got under the covers.

There was a moment where they lay facing each other, a careful distance left between them. Then Light laughed. “Come here,” he said, as he reached for L.

L obliged, and soon they had their arms firmly wrapped around each other, with Light’s head resting on L’s chest.

Time passed.

Light’s breathing slowed. Not enough for him to be asleep, not yet, but enough that L knew that he was trying.

He was just entertaining the possibility of perhaps going to sleep himself after all when Light spoke up again.

“Ryuuzaki?”

“Yes Light?”

“I’m still asexual.”

“Of course.”

“No, I mean-” Light cut himself off and took a deep breath. “I don’t want to. Even if we’re dating, I dont-”

“Light,” said L, in as gentle a voice as he could manage. “It’s okay. We don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with that? You’re not asexual, you-”

“I’m sure.” L tightened his hold around Light. “Sex is hardly vital for humans to survive. I can live without it, and I have no problem with doing so.”

L felt Light nod against his chest.

“Okay,” said Light. “Goodnight L.”

“Goodnight Light.”

This time, Light fell asleep quickly.

L followed him soon after.

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know if there are any typos, i haven't proofread this as closely as i should have so i guarantee i've missed something somewhere
> 
> comments make me really happy !!!
> 
> come say [hi!!!!](https://astralpenguin.tumblr.com/)


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